Commander (Politics of Love) Read online

  I kept quiet. Admitting he was right would only cause more pain for us in the end.

  “Now, Tara. Take off your clothes so I can fuck you so hard that with every step you take tomorrow you’ll feel the twinge of how I imprinted myself onto your body.”

  Without thought, I reached behind me to open my dress. But before I could grasp the zipper, Ashur’s hand caught mine, taking control and lowering it himself.

  I took in a deep breath as the corseted dress gave way, allowing my lungs to expand to their fullest capacity.

  “Step out.”

  I followed his command and then reached down to take off my shoes, when he said, “Leave on the heels. I want to fuck you with the red stilettos on.”

  Goosebumps prickled my skin.

  “Now the rest.”

  I nodded, unclasping my bra, letting it fall to the ground, and then shimmying out of my underwear.

  “Brace your hands on the bed.”

  Setting my palms flat on the duvet, I focused on the decorative pillows sitting along the headboard. Butterflies fluttered deep in the pit of my stomach, and a low throbbing of arousal grew stronger with each second.

  The sound of a drawer opening and shutting reached my ears and then a tube of lubricant was dropped near the fingers of my right hand.

  Goosebumps prickled my skin and my breathing became a bit shallow.

  I knew what this meant. He was the only one who’d ever fucked me there. I’d confessed this to him during our honeymoon. And now he was ready to assert his claim on me, to remind me I’d only ever allowed him the pleasure.

  “Since you became my wife, I’ve taken your cunt, your mouth, your breast, but I have yet to take you here.” His fingers glided along the cleft of my ass cheeks. “Tonight, I want it all.”

  He pressed against my back, telling me without words to lower my head to the bed. Following his unspoken directive, I rested my forehead against my folded arms and positioned my ass into the air. My legs instinctively separated to keep my balance. Thank goodness for the height my heels gave me, or this wouldn’t have been a comfortable position to maintain.

  Why was I so okay with this…this bossiness…this hunger he had to claim me?

  Because you want to be his.

  When we were younger, this was all about learning each other’s bodies, about giving each other something neither of us had experienced. We’d bumbled through the awkwardness and found pleasure after experimenting for a time.

  Tonight was completely different. Ashur knew exactly what to do and I…well, I may not have had the experiences I could only assume Ashur had but I knew what to expect. The discomfort, the fullness, and the pleasure.

  I jumped a fraction as a warm hand grabbed my ankle and hot breath skimmed up the length of my calf. Ashur kissed, licked, and nipped at my skin, paying extra attention to the area behind my knee. The fingers of his free hand followed the same path as his mouth on my other leg.

  The sensation sent shivers down my spine and straight to my clit and nipples. A rush of air left my lungs. This slow perusal of my body was not something I expected from him, especially with the volatility that had been radiating from him when I entered the room.

  This man confused the hell out of me.

  When Ashur’s exploration led to the lower curve of my bottom, he bit one cheek. I yelped but found myself liking the sting. Heat bloomed deep inside me, causing my folds to grow damp and swollen.

  His finger pulled my cheeks apart, exposing my slick pussy and the tight rosette of my ass. He tongued all the way from my clitoral nub to the hole he would claim tonight, moving back and forth, creating a heady mix of sensation I could only describe as forbidden ecstasy.

  My legs began to shake as an orgasm crept its way into my throbbing pussy. I bit my lip as a moan escaped, and threw my head back, waiting for the pleasure to course through me. Except it didn’t come.

  I released a frustrated breath, lifting my head to glare at him over my shoulder. He locked his amber eyes with mine as his lips tugged up at the corners.

  “Is there something you want?”

  “I need to come.”

  “Soon.” His focus moved back to my pussy, and before I knew it, his tongue was piercing my sopping folds deep into my core.

  My legs gave out. However, I was held in the same position by Ashur’s strong hold on my thighs. His grip was tight, owning, telling me I’d have bruises in the shapes of his fingers on each thigh. He spread my legs wide and pushed my knees onto the bed, all the while eating my pussy as a man starved.

  The rhythm he created made my mind cloud, releasing an addictive sense of euphoria. By the time I registered the distinct click of a tube opening, Ashur was pressing a lubed finger into the tight hole of my ass. My first instinct was to clench tight, to pull away.

  “Relax, baby. I’ll make it good for you, but I have to prepare you.”

  I nodded and released a deep breath, allowing my muscles to loosen. A slow burn pierced my opening as he worked his way in, inch by inch. The sensation shouldn’t feel so good, but it did. When a second finger joined the first, the pleasure-pain was too much and my empty pussy began to contract. I arched my back, unable to control the spasms talking over.

  A sharp bite to my ass brought me out of my orgasm.

  “I say when you come, and you will not come until my cock is deep inside your ass.”

  “I hate you so much right now.”

  “No you don’t, love. You’re just frustrated that I’m not giving you what you want.”

  “Ashu, please,” I whined, but he ignored me.

  He held me on the cusp of orgasm, working my snug passage with his fingers and my swollen, aching pussy with the thumb of his other hand.

  Tears streamed down my face. My body screamed for release and just when I thought I’d tell him to fuck off and take care of my desire myself, cool liquid slid along the valley of my ass cheeks.

  My focus immediately snapped to Ashur as the hum of need continued to throb deep in my core.

  “Ashu,” I whispered.

  My arousal cooled as it wept down the insides of my thighs, mixing with the liquid smoothness of the lubricant.

  “Shhh.” His lips grazed the lower dip of my back.

  In the next second, the naked hot heat of Ashur’s body molded against my back, making me moan.

  His lube-covered cock slid against my clit, sending shockwaves through my body that had me nearly collapsing. Ashur’s hand snaked around my abdomen, holding me close to him.

  He glided his erection up my slit to the swollen, soaked passage of my pussy, pushing in for a brief second before he moved to the puckered entrance of my ass.

  “Now, I take what is mine. What has always been mine.” He gripped my hip as the head of his cock pressed through the tight ring of muscle.

  I released a deep breath and tried not to tighten up, knowing it would only cause me discomfort. Sweat dampened my skin as his velvety cock pushed all the way in.

  I cried out. It was almost too much, the fullness, the burning, the need. My nails dug into his forearms and my back arched.

  He immediately held still, giving me time to adjust.

  “Christ, you’re so tight,” Ashur said through clenched teeth. “Fuck. Tara. I have to move.”

  He pulled out all the way and surged back in. Tingles and goosebumps broke out all over my skin, and the low hum of my unquenched release ignited into a full inferno.

  His fingers moved from my hip over my pelvis to the bundle of nerves at the apex of my pussy. He strummed my clit, matching the pace to that of his pummeling cock.

  “Oh God, Ashu. Oh, God. Why does this feel so good?”

  “Because it’s us. This has only ever belonged to us.”

  I couldn’t help myself, I tilted my head back to look into his eyes and see if he meant what I thought I’d heard.

  “It’s true, baby. You’re the only woman I’ve ever fucked like this.”

  “Why?” I asked betwe
en the force of his thrusts.

  “Because it’s intimate on the highest level. It requires trust, not just need.”

  My lips trembled and I whispered, “It’s the same for me. Kiss me, Ashu.”

  He lowered his mouth to mine. Our kiss was filled with an emotion I knew would leave me in shambles when all my secrets came out. I pushed the thoughts back and lost myself in Ashur.

  His finger and cock continued their onslaught of passion on my body, and within a few more strokes, my body was detonating.

  I pulled free of our kiss, bucking and arching as my orgasm washed over me. Everything inside me clenched and a guttural cry echoed in my ear as Ashur’s pistoning cock grew harder. In the next second he came, pushing all his weight onto my back and releasing with an intensity I’d never experienced with him before.

  About twenty minutes after the most earth-shattering orgasm of my life, Ashur picked me up, carried me to the top of our bed, and laid me down as if I were a precious jewel.

  “Let me get cleaned up and then we can go to bed.”

  I could only nod as he pressed his lips to my forehead and moved toward the bathroom. My body was too lethargic to muster the strength to budge a muscle. A few minutes later, I felt the heat of a warm washcloth glide between my legs. I moaned, enjoying the gentle caress of the damp cloth. When Ashur finished caring for me, he crawled onto the bed, pulling my body against his.

  He held me for what felt like hours. I listened to the steady beat of his heart.

  “It’s okay, love.”

  I remained quiet. This was far from okay. What we’d just shared had changed the level of our relationship.

  Our raw, need-filled coupling was more than sex, more than him marking his territory. I’d just handed everything I was over to him. The urge to weep and run warred with wanting never to let this man go.

  I’d lost the battle. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t in love with him.

  Now all I could do was wait and see if he truly felt the same for me or if he loved the illusion of me, the memory of the girl I’d been.

  He tilted up my face and kissed me. A kiss so slow and long, one filled with everything I’d ever wanted from him.

  He pulled back and murmured against my lips. “I love…”

  Before he went further, I covered his mouth with mine. I refused to let him speak words he may regret saying later.

  He broke our kiss and stared at me with a tinge of frustration. “Why won’t you let me tell you?”

  “Ashu, please. I’m not strong enough to hear those words and then have you take them back.”

  “Do you really think I’d do that to you? Do you really think I’d give you my heart only to steal it away again?”

  “You did it before.”

  “Dammit, Tara. I was twenty-three. Why do you keep holding the past over us?”

  “Because I know history will repeat itself.”

  “What are you hiding? Why are you so afraid to love me and let me love you?”

  “Let it go.” I sat up, dropping my feet off the side of the bed. “Maybe it’s better to stick to our contract. Then we don’t have to worry about hurting each other.”

  “Is that really what you want?”

  No, I wanted to scream. I want the fairytale. I want to have faith that you’ll stand by me when you learn the truth of who I am and what I’ve done.

  “It’s for the best.” A tear slipped down my cheek as my shoulders slumped.

  “Tell me, Tara. Was it only the money that made you agree to marry me?”

  I kept quiet and stared at the wall through a wet haze.

  I turned to look at him over my shoulder. I opened my lips to respond, but he cut me off.

  “Don’t. Your initial silence tells me all I wanted to know.” His eyes filled with such pain and resignation. “You want to know something?” He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t need you to win the election. I never did. I wanted to marry you because you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman I will ever love. You were right. You were more a liability than an asset, but I didn’t give a damn. You were always it for me. I just wish I was it for you.”

  Ashur stood from the bed, shrugged on his robe, and walked toward the door that connected to the sitting room.

  As he yanked the door open, he said over his shoulder, “You want a contract marriage, I’ll give you a contract marriage. We’ll fuck without emotion, have children, and live separate lives outside the bedroom.”

  I stood in a numb haze… I’d distorted everything we’d built over the last two years. I’d destroyed the one thing that meant more to me than anything by keeping my secrets, by refusing to acknowledge how much he meant to me.

  He was such a man of pride. Emotions weren’t part of his DNA but with me he showed a side no one would believe existed.

  God, what had I done?

  I slowly dropped onto the bed and curled into a ball and let my stupidity and tears engulf me.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Oh God, not again.” I ran to the toilet and emptied the contents of my stomach.

  After the heaving stopped, I rested my body against the surround of the bathtub. I closed my eyes and waited for the next wave of nausea.

  This sucked. There was no doubt, I was pregnant.

  I hadn’t thought anything of it when I missed a period last month since my monthly cycle had been irregular since I was a teen, making it so I could miss a month here and there without worry.

  It wasn’t until this past week when the constant fatigue and nausea became too much to ignore that I grew suspicious. And then this morning, the vomiting started.

  Wasn’t a woman supposed to get at least a few hours of respite between bouts of throwing up?

  I covered my stomach. “Sorry, kid. I’m happy you’re coming, but could you let up for a few minutes?”

  My stomach turned again.

  “Well, I guess that’s my answer. Is this payback for taking you on my mission with me?”

  God, I couldn’t believe I’d gone to Pakistan pregnant. I could have lost my baby if anything had gone wrong.

  “I will never put your life at risk again. Though you did choose a very inconvenient time to make an appearance.”

  I had to have ovulated during one of the first few times Ashur and I’d had sex. I literally was the bride who got pregnant on her honeymoon.

  So, all the fucking Ashur and I had done over the last few weeks was for nothing. He’d kept to his word. We lived separate lives during the day and only met in the bedroom for the sole purpose of producing a child.

  I wouldn’t lie to myself and say I hadn’t enjoyed the sex. Ashur made sure I achieved my orgasm, but it felt so cold. I’d rather have just gone to bed than feel so lonely afterward. We’d become the political couple that made appearances and posed for pictures but barely spent any time together. Gone were the heated discussions and the playful banter. Gone were the hot looks and constant touching.

  “I promise, little one. No matter what happens between your daddy and me, you’ll never know a day without love. I suck at the wife-and-first-lady thing, but I will rock the mother thing.”

  The churning in my belly finally stopped, and I pushed up onto my feet. Immediately, nausea returned and I grabbed the toilet seat, letting what little was left in my stomach empty.

  “I hate you, Jacinta,” I muttered to myself and then said to my belly, “Your Samina Foi too. I hope your cousins make her gray early.”

  “Why are you cursing my sister?”

  I froze. Ashur had to have heard what I said.

  I looked at him. He stared at me with worry and a bit of amusement.

  “Go away, Ashur. I don’t need you to laugh at my misery.” I rested my head on my forearm, praying the nausea would stop.

  “Let me help you.”

  “I think you’ve done enough. Your super sperm did the job. You won’t have to fuck me every night anymore for an heir.”
r />   “Do you really think that’s the only reason I want you? For God’s sake. I’ve known you were pregnant for over two weeks.”

  How the fuck could he have known when I only suspected this past week?

  “I can see the question so let me answer. I figured it out when your breasts began to swell and you kept sneaking away for power naps.”

  “So, my need for sleep gave it away?”

  “You are one of those high-energy, sleep-when-I’m-dead women. So, combined with the slight changes in your body, I knew it was either you were coming down with something or as you said, my super sperm did the job.”

  “Could have given me a clue,” I muttered under my breath.

  “And just so we’re clear, the reason I come to our bed every night is that losing myself in you is the only thing that keeps me going these days.”

  “Whatever. Go away. Let me vomit in peace.” I slid further onto the floor and rested my head on the cool tile.

  Was this some sick joke by God? Samina and Jacinta hadn’t had a day of sickness and here I was, barely a month and a half in and ready to throw in the towel on this pregnancy shit. Maybe I could revise the contract and change it to one child, then I wouldn’t have to do this again.

  “You hard-headed, stubborn woman. Is it so difficult to depend on me?” Ashur scooped me off the floor, opened the door to the shower, stepped in, and sat me on a long bench in one corner.

  “What are you doing?” I batted away Ashur’s hands as he tried to pull my dress over my head. “Stop. I don’t want a shower.”

  “You smell like puke.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but shut it when I got a whiff of myself.

  “Fine, but let me brush my teeth first.” I stood and was immediately pushed back down.

  “You sit and I’ll bring it to you.”

  Ashur turned on the spray to heat the water before leaving me on the bench to retrieve my toothbrush and toothpaste.

  When he returned he was naked and partially aroused.

  “Sorry. I can’t help it. My cock is always halfway hard whenever you’re around.”